MY BIRTH STORY
I finally did it! I went through one of the hardest things a woman will go through in life - I gave BIRTH! I'll start off by saying I am very proud of myself for pulling it off when deep down, I didn't really think I could do it or really even know how I'd be able to... But I did do it! Regardless of the craziness I experienced and what I went through... I kept pushing through and I got it done because it simply had to be done. That's all that matters! Although my birth story is not what I expected, in all honesty, I am thankful for having a safe, healthy, and natural delivery. I am thankful that nothing went wrong in terms of my baby's safety or mine. I will say that my story isn't the most positive one and may frighten some, so that is my warning to you if you are looking for a positive birth story to keep yourself positive! Anyway, let's get this birth story started!
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 6TH, 2021
My due date was January 2nd and I was hoping that I'd go into labor by then, but I didn't. I really wanted to avoid an induction, so I held out for four days past my due date before being induced. If it wasn't for my doctors telling me that I am having a big baby, I wouldn't have scheduled an induction and I would have waited until I went into labor naturally. But because of the fact I was supposed to have a big baby, I did not want to risk her getting too big being overdue and end up with a c-section. So, I went into the hospital at 7:30 pm on January 6th for my scheduled induction.
It wasn't until 9:30 pm where they started the induction process. I started at just 1 cm dilated, which I've been at since week 36. They used two methods to induce me: cervidil and pitocin. The first thing they did was insert the cervidil inside of my cervix, which is a medication that helps soften and thin out the cervix to prepare my body for labor. This medication also causes contractions, which began happening at 3:30 am, six hours after I was given the cervidil. So, I would say that my labor technically began at 3:30 am on Thursday, January 7th!
THURSDAY, JANUARY 7TH, 2021
The contractions weren't unbearable when they began from the cervidil - they were more like period cramps than anything else. They were a few minutes apart, but growing closer together and more intense. I have a very low pain tolerance and I began to get super uncomfortable around 6:30 am. I asked for the epidural, but the nurse convinced me to try some IV pain relievers before opting for the epidural right away. I was given fentanyl, which is an opioid drug. This took away my pain and made me feel super good! It basically causes you to be high. It's a similar drug to morphine and codeine, so it really makes you loopy and out of it. And it definitely took away the pain, but only for an hour. At around 7:30 am, I asked for the epidural again because I just became too uncomfortable... There was no point to keep waiting and put myself through misery.
I received the epidural around 8:00 am (only 4.5 hours after contractions began) and it was heaven. I'll be honest and say that I was terrified of getting it only because I have scoliosis and sometimes it doesn't work properly or at all for those who have it. Once the anesthesiologist explained to me that it was working based off my sensations of the epidural, I began to cry so much. I cried from tears of happiness and relief. I thanked him like ten times! I was terrified that it wouldn't have worked, because I would've just asked for a c-section right away. I have no idea why women put their bodies through so much pain without an epidural, but more power to them! I could never and would never put my body through that! The epidural is magical.
After I got the epidural, my nurse started me on piticon, which is basically oxytocin, the hormone that causes our bodies to contract. She started me off really slowly and on a very low dose (1) to see how my body would react to it. Every couple hours she would increase the dosage by only one or two. I did not feel any of these contractions because of the epidural, so I was thankful! The only thing that was annoying was that when I'd lay on my left side, Sara's heart rate would dip, so they had me laying on my right side for a good 12 hours! This caused so much back and shoulder pain, so that really sucked. Anyway - my doctor checked to see how dilated I was at 12:00 pm and I was only 2-3 cm still (8.5 hours into labor). So I basically just laid there, taking several naps, relaxing, and eating light snacks for hours and hours. I was actually surprised my nurse let me eat! So I was definitely happy about that, lol!
Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty. When it came to about 11:30 pm, I reached 7 cm (20 hours into labor). This is when things began to pick up! My body went into complete shock mode and began vigorously shaking. I'm not talking about getting the shivers and being cold... I was simply shaking as hard as someone does while having a seizure. From my hands to my back to my face and to my teeth. I was shaking like this for two straight hours! This was terrifying for me. I didn't know what was happening, my husband was freaking out, but the nurse said it's normal for a lot of women to go through this when they're 7 - 10 cm because it's the most intense and strongest part of labor. My husband was nervous for me because he never seen me like that before! He was trying to calm me down for literally two straight hours while I lied there in a bed, shaking, and not able to get up. It was intense! I couldn't believe what was happening and I couldn't stop my shaking no matter what I'd do. I was also feeling some of the contractions again at this point.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 8TH, 2021
The worst part of that was once I reached 9 cm, around 1:00 am, I had the strongest urge to push. My contractions were so strong at that point, happening every 30 seconds or so! And I was starting to feel them a little more! It was getting painful and felt like a ton of pressure with each contraction. The pressure people talk about that you feel was 100% pain to me, but that's probably because I have a low pain tolerance... They were so strong that it felt like the baby was going to come out any second! My husband kept paging the nurse and letting her know that I literally need to push, but she said I had to hold back and wait until I was 10 cm otherwise it can cause things to go bad. So I laid there, shaking, trying to control the urge to push until I couldn't anymore. My body was pushing on its own at that point. So, the nurse came in and started doing practice pushes with me.
Pushing honestly made me feel better because it felt like I was relieving some of the pressure. The pushing in itself was not difficult or tiring in the beginning - each time a contraction came, I pushed for ten seconds three separate times back to back. The first 20 minutes or so of pushing wasn't that difficult, but it just got so much more intense after that! I pushed for a total of 58 minutes. First of all, I should mention that my shakes did go away as soon as I was starting to push and relieve that pressure and urge. BUT something else started happening! I literally felt 100% high as if I was dreaming or loopy. It was the weirdest feeling. I wasn't myself, I could barely see clearly, and I just felt like I was coming in and out of consciousness. I had my eyes closed for like 80% of my delivery because I felt like I couldn't physically open them! It was insane - it's like I was drugged! I'm not sure why it felt that way... I don't know if it was from the fentanyl they gave me, which is an opioid drug, or from the shakes I got, or my body's response to the pain I was feeling... No clue. But it's like I was fighting myself to wake up from a dream from the start of pushing to the finish.
As I got further into pushing, I began getting so so hot. I was sweating buckets! I made my husband fan me the entire time from how hot I was. I felt like I was going to faint if I pushed any harder. A lot of times while pushing I would be screaming at the top of my lungs from the pressure pain I was feeling! The other women on the floor probably thought I was being attacked. The doctor told me the more I scream, the worse it is for me. She said if I held my breath it would help her come out and when I scream it's like she slides back in... So, I stopped screaming. I was getting so tired to the point I'd release my breath at 8 seconds most times. And then I freaking felt THE RING OF FIRE! Basically when the baby's head has crowned in the birth canal... It literally felt like there was a ring of fire down there and it hurt like HELL! I felt it completely as if the epidural was nonexistent. And that's not even the worst part... As I was pushing and pushing through the fire and pain, I literally (brace yourself) felt myself tear down there. I knew the exact moment I was tearing and felt every bit of it. It was the worst pain EVER and I couldn't even fathom what the hell was happening. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh shit, I'm literally tearing right now." I just wanted to get the baby out of me! And btw, the doctor usually does a perineal massage in between pushes to help prevent internal tearing and that was so freaking painful to the point I'd even be screaming during my breaks. Anyway - I kept pushing and pushing, and finally, when the baby's head was out and the shoulders were exposed, she pulled her out of me. Which that was the most disgusting feeling in the world in itself... It was the weirdest feeling and felt so gross. It felt like she was pulling her out of me for like 30 seconds! And then you just feel so much pouring out of you after. It was nasty! But I finally delivered baby Sara at 2:30 am! So, my labor was technically 22 hours (since I started contractions at 3:30 am on Thursday) and I was pushing for about an hour when I delivered her at 2:30 am on Friday!
They finally placed my baby girl on my chest and it felt so surreal. It was honestly an amazing moment... To meet your child for the first time after months and months of waiting. It was a feeling I can't explain. I was in shock. I mean, my body was still going through so much and I still felt high af, so I couldn't fully be in the moment with my true emotions, but meeting her was the best moment of my life! Until it got ruined by delivering the placenta..........
WTF IS THAT?! Delivering the placenta was almost worse than delivering the baby! The nurse was literally body slamming my stomach with all her strength and pushing downward. I couldn't believe what was happening... I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs from how much pain I was in. There was no way the epidural worked at all during my delivery... Unless I just truly can't handle pressure... I swear, it's like they didn't give a shit how painful it would be for me and that they just had to get it done. I was basically dying when they were pushing the placenta out of me. And when it finally came out, it was so so gross. The feeling of it was nasty. It just pours out of you like a heavy water balloon, LMAO! Omg, I'm being very descriptive and I apologize! LOL.
But FINALLY, the damn delivery was over. I was so relieved. It was so damn hard, even with the epidural. It was painful. The shakes scarred me, feeling drugged and loopy was tiring, the ring of fire put my body into complete shock, feeling myself tear traumatized me, and delivering the placenta was even more traumatizing. I was not expecting any of this to happen or to at least be this intense and painful! Everything was going so smoothly from the start of the induction up until 2 hours prior to pushing time. That's when shit hit the fan... I wasn't expecting it all to go that way. I was truly traumatized from all the pain I felt and just how it all happened. I literally had a nightmare about it while in the hospital! It was really upsetting that I had to have such a negative experience because I don't want to have negative feelings towards having another baby. So I pray I forget this painful experience and have the courage to do it all over again.
The high feeling I had slowly faded about 20 minutes after finishing delivery. When it was time for them to finally get me out of the bed, it felt like I couldn't move on my own. It was so hard to stand up - it took me a good ten minutes just for me to have the courage to stand up, even with the help of two nurses hand in hand. I felt faint and I felt like my insides were all scrambled up and in the wrong places. It felt like everything was just going to fall out if I stood up! They had to literally pull me up and carry me onto a wheelchair because I couldn't do it alone - it was way too hard. We finally got transferred to our recovery room where we stayed for two nights!
Although my labor and delivery was not at all what I expected, I am so happy and blessed. I was especially happy that I had a successful vaginal delivery with a 9 pound baby. I was blessed that Sara was born healthy mashAllah, especially after being told that she pooped meconium inside of the amniotic fluid, which is potentially dangerous since they can swallow it. So many people were in the delivery room from pediatrics and NICU just in case. They also suctioned her much more than normal to make sure she got all the fluid and meconium out of her airways. Alhamdulillah she was okay after that! So I'm super thankful that everything went the way it was supposed to in terms of health and safety... It's just the traumatizing experience I had and the pain I experienced was not fun at all. I was actually annoyed every time a nurse would say they'd see me back there in a couple years for a boy... I couldn't even think about going through that again, so I'm hoping I forget how it felt. I would even consider going through a tough recovery of a c-section after my experience. It's just not what I thought it would be... After all the positive stories I heard from friends and family, all the birth vlogs I watched on YouTube where the woman does it all like it's nothing, nothing was ever like what I experienced, so I was in shock it all happened.
Overall, I am just super thankful and happy that I was able to have a baby and that Sara is at home with us and in our arms, alhamdulillah. Each push and each pain I felt was worth it for this little (or I should say big) girl. She is the light of my life and she made me a mother! Mashallah. I pray that each of you get to experience having a baby of your own if you haven't already. I also pray that none of you experience what I went through! Lol. It wasn't pretty, but it was so worth it for my baby girl. Alhamdulillah times a million.
Thank you for reading my birth story! I know each birth story is so unique - some are good and some are bad. My experience wasn't the greatest, but that doesn't mean you won't have an amazing experience! Everyone is different and each pregnancy, labor, and delivery for each woman is different! So do not get discouraged from my story! I would love to hear your birth story in the comments below! Or let me know if you experienced anything I experienced! It'd be interesting to hear.
*Stay tuned to read my postpartum experience and how everything went down after delivery!
I'll post that blog soon!*